I'm back! I'm afraid it's not quite the comeback I had in mind, you see, I had this triumphant, head held high, bugles blowing type of return. Instead, it was a world crumbling, tearful, fetal position moment of defeat that brought me back. But that's okay. We're human, we're built to fail and to get defeated and to get up and march right on. So here I am, marching or typing on.
Last night, for the first time in 7 years I let my MS beat me. I'm not asking for pity here but if anyone out there hears this listen. I have fought a very a hard fight, especially for the last 2 years and have never came close to giving up till last night. I didn't do anything, didn't hurt myself, but just to seriously consider it for long enough to make me pause, because I was so tired of fighting and that I thought the uselessness of me and my situation, was enough to make me stop and open my eyes.
I've struggled with depression throughout my MS, you don't have chronic pain or a terminal illness without it, but this was different. I've always fought my through it, this time I didn't feel like I didn't want to, but instead of picking up those pills, I picked up a pen. So, maybe I'll have to build this blog back up from nothing, but if the choice is pills or pen, I will keep picking the pen!